Tips for living with roommates on and off campus
Living with roommates is a normal part of college and young adulthood. Here are some tips to help you have a more successful roommate experience, whether you’re living on or off campus.
Tips for students living on campus
Living on campus for your first year can be an exciting (and nerve-wracking) experience. This may be the first time you have had to share a room or live with someone you have never met. Follow these tips to help you transition into a residence hall and create a positive first roommate experience at CU.
First impressions aren’t always accurate
Raise your hand if you’ve ever looked someone up online before meeting them ( ). While this kind of information-gathering can help satisfy your curiosity, it’s also important to remember that people may present themselves differently online or on social media. Take their first impressions of someone with a grain of salt, whether it’s online or in person. Make an effort to get to know your roommate(s) over the course of a few weeks, actively seek out things you have in common and allow space for differences, too.
Come prepared to create a roommate agreement
As part of your on-campus experience, you’ll work with your roommates and Resident Advisors (RAs) to create a roommate agreement, which outlines shared ground rules. Think through your expectations, habits and routines before you move in (or soon after) and come prepared to create a shared roommate agreement.
Here are some helpful topics to consider for on-campus students:
- Morning and nighttime routines (quiet hours, class times, waking/sleeping hours, etc.)
- Cleanliness of shared spaces (laundry, trash, dishes, clutter, chores, etc.)
- Visitors (friends, significant others, overnight guests, gatherings, etc.)
- Borrowing or using each other’s things (electronics, food, clothes, toiletries, etc.)
- Purchasing common items (cleaning supplies, toilet paper, etc.)
- Preferred ways for addressing conflict
- Quality vs. alone time
- Substance use (partying, vaping, drinking, marijuana, etc.)*
Don’t forget to talk with your roommates about potential deal breakers as well as things you’d be okay compromising on.
Note: Substance use is prohibited in residence halls.
Learn about conflict styles
Everyone handles conflict differently, depending on the situation, their conflict style and who they’re in conflict with. However, there are some common themes that may show up in a person’s response again and again. Learning how you approach conflict can be a great starting point for learning or refining skills around conflict resolution.
We recommend taking our free Conflict Style Quiz to learn how you approach conflict and how your ‘default’ response may impact your behaviors or attitudes in different situations. Encourage your roommates to do the same so you can discuss how your approaches may differ. Knowing each other’s conflict styles can help you work better together, reframe your approach and come up with alternative solutions to conflict. You can also explore more resources and tips for conflict management online.
Practice communication
It’s usually best to address roommate issues quickly before they fester. Bringing up issues through texting, social media or sticky notes on the door may lead to miscommunication or increased frustrations. This is because we can’t always know how the message will be received by the other person. A simple reminder to “take out the trash” may turn into something more.
Instead, try to discuss any potential issues in person. Allow yourself to cool off, make a plan and think through how you can express your needs before approaching your roommate. Using “I” statements to describe how the situation makes you feel is a helpful way to start.
Here are some examples:
- “I feel hurt when I’m not invited to game night because I really enjoy hanging out with you.”
- “I feel frustrated when the trash doesn’t get taken out because we agreed to switch off who takes care of it each week.”
- “I am upset that my coat was damaged because I can’t afford to replace it.”
- “I feel hurt when my snacks get eaten by others because it’s hard for me to make it to the grocery store.”
Remember that respect goes both ways. Listen for understanding and ask follow-up questions during the conversation. Resist the urge to formulate a response to what the other person is saying while they’re speaking. Instead, you should be focusing your full attention on the emotions, issues and reasoning behind what your roommate is saying.
Roommates aren’t always BFFs (and that’s okay)
While it would be nice, not everyone is going to end the year as best friends for life (and that’s okay). Try your best to let go of this expectation and instead, focus on creating a healthy living situation that you can maintain throughout the year.
If you do experience conflict with a roommate, remember that change doesn’t happen overnight and sometimes disagreements don’t always resolve the way we’d like them to. More often than not, seeing progress requires a series of conversations and a willingness to try.
Steps for requesting a room change
If you’re experiencing issues with your roommates or considering a room change, you must follow these steps first:
- Review your roommate agreement and determine if your behavior is in alignment with what you originally agreed to together.
- Talk with your roommate to try and address any concerns.
- Talk with your RA for mediation or conflict support.
- Talk to your hall director about next steps if necessary.
- Visit Student Conduct & Conflict Resolution (SCCR) for additional support or facilitated mediation sessions.
If things continue to progress, you can then submit a room change request (keep in mind that a change may not be able to happen until semester break due to occupancy limits).
Tips for students living off campus
Living off campus can pose additional challenges and responsibilities that you may not encounter in on-campus housing. This can include things like rent, utilities, lawn care, parking, grocery shopping and navigating roommate issues more independently. Here are some tips to help you make the most of living off campus with roommates.
Create ground rules
While you’re not required to have a roommate agreement off campus, we highly encourage you and your roommates to create one. Even if you’re living with friends, a significant other or the same roommates as last year, it’s important to create or revisit ground rules to avoid conflict around things like rent, utilities, visitors, etc.
Here are some helpful topics to consider for off-campus students:
- Rent (who owes what, how to pay/reimburse each other, due dates, etc.)
- Utilities (whose names are utilities under, splitting bills, etc.)
- Parking (how to share a parking space/garage, costs, permits, etc.)
- Deposits (who pays and how much, reimbursement for damage, etc.)
- Pets (what kinds, breed restrictions, pet rent, care, etc.)
- Morning and nightime routines (quiet hours, class times, waking/sleeping hours, etc.)
- Cleanliness of shared spaces (laundry, trash, dishes, clutter, chores, etc.)
- Visitors (friends, significant others, overnight guests, gatherings, etc.)
- Borrowing or using each other’s things (electronics, food, clothes, toiletries, etc.)
- Purchasing common items (cleaning supplies, toilet paper, food, etc.)
- Preferred ways for addressing conflict
- Quality vs. alone time
- Substance use (partying, vaping, drinking, marijuana, etc.)
Think through your expectations, habits and routines before you move in (or soon after) and come prepared to create a shared roommate agreement. You can use this free Roommate Agreement Template from Off Campus Housing and Neighborhood Relations to help you get started. You can also get free legal advice if you have questions about your lease or rights when living with roommates.
Be a good neighbor
Living off campus comes with extra responsibilities, like being a good roommate and a good neighbor. Here are some simple ways you can be a good neighbor and avoid conflict with longer-term residents:
Introduce yourself
Introduce yourself to your neighbors. If you’re nervous about introducing yourself in person, consider filling out this free Neighbor Contact Form to leave in their mailbox or on their front door.
Follow city ordinances
Make sure you’re aware of Boulder ordinances, including occupancy restrictions, furniture and trash requirements, snow removal, yard maintenance and fireworks laws. Reviewing these rules can help you avoid citations, nuisance complaints and other forms of conflict with neighbors or law enforcement. Be sure to also follow neighborhood or community rules related to pet waste, street parking, etc. It’s also important to know that everyone listed on a lease can receive a citation for ordinance infractions, regardless of whether or not you are all present at the time of the infraction.
Make amends
Stuff happens. You may forget to take out your trash or park in front of a neighbor’s driveway (whoops). If you make a mistake that may annoy their neighbors, remember to handle the situation in person, listen to your neighbor’s perspective and consider making appropriate amends (e.g. helping with lawn care, shoveling snow, taking out trash, etc.).
Understand conflict styles
Everyone handles conflict differently, depending on the situation, their conflict style and who they’re in conflict with. However, there are some common themes that may show up in a person’s response again and again. Exploring how you approach conflict can be a great starting point for learning or refining your skills around conflict resolution.
Take our free Conflict Style Quiz to learn how you approach conflict and how your ‘default’ response may impact your behaviors or attitudes in different situations. You can also share this quiz with your roommates or housemates to start the conversation around how different people handle conflict.
Practice communication skills
It’s best to address roommate issues quickly before they fester. Addressing issues through texting, social media or sticky notes on the door may lead to miscommunication or increased frustrations. This is because we can’t always know how the message will be received by the other person. A simple reminder to “take out the trash” may turn into something more.
Instead, try to address any potential issues in person. It can be helpful to make a plan and think through how you can express your needs before approaching your roommate. Using “I” statements to describe how the situation makes you feel is a helpful way to start.
Here are some examples:
- “I feel hurt when I’m not invited to game night because I really enjoy hanging out with you.”
- “I feel frustrated when the trash doesn’t get taken out because we agreed to switch off who takes care of it each week.”
- “I am upset that my coat was damaged because I can’t afford to replace it.”
- “I feel hurt when my snacks get eaten by others because it’s hard for me to make it to the grocery store.”
When talking through issues with your roommates, remember to listen for understanding and ask follow-up questions during the conversation. Resist the urge to formulate a response to what the other person is saying while they’re speaking. Instead, you should be focusing your full attention on the emotions, issues and reasoning behind what your roommate is saying.
Support resources
Support for potentially harmful living situations
In some cases, you may feel like you are stuck in a traumatic, toxic or harmful living situation. Harmful behaviors or experiences can include harassment, stalking, partner abuse, sexual or physical assault and hazing, to name a few. The Office of Victim Assistance (OVA) can provide additional support to help you explore your rights and options, make a safety plan, get medical treatment if needed, discuss your living situation and more.
Get connected with OVA by calling 303-492-8855, emailing assist@colorado.edu or filling out a confidential request form online. Submission forms are only reviewed by confidential OVA staff and will not be shared with the university. If you would like to be contacted by an OVA advocate counselor, please be sure to include your contact information on the form.
Resident Advisors (RAs)
Students living on campus can reach out to their RA for additional support. RAs are a great resource to help mediate conversations and get everyone on the same page. Be sure to talk with your roommate beforehand and set up a time with your RA to discuss any potential or unresolved issues.
Conflict Resolution
All students, regardless of if you live on or off campus, can visit Conflict Resolution. They can help you navigate conflicts between roommates, significant others, professors, classmates and more. They also offer free workshops, mediation and coaching sessions if you’re looking to improve your skills around conflict management and resolution.
Peer Wellness Coaching
Peer Wellness Coaches provide peer-to-peer support and are available to meet with students living on or off campus. They can help you navigate concerns related to roommates, relationships, stress, finances and more. Peer Wellness Coaches can also help you set goals, connect with additional resources and create self-care plans.
Off Campus Housing & Neighborhood Relations (OCHNR)
OCHNR is here to help students with all aspects of living off campus, from searching for an apartment and roommate, understanding Boulder housing options and providing free lease reviews with our staff attorney, to navigating roommate disagreements, understanding Boulder ordinances and advocating for tenant rights.
Center for Inclusion and Social Change (CISC)
CISC works with LGBTQ+ students living on and off campus. They can provide information on gender-inclusive residence hall programs, gender-neutral facilities and more. Their office can also help students find inclusive housing and roommates that will be welcoming and supportive.
Residence Life
Residence life helps students who live on campus build community, engage in leadership opportunities and make the most of their stay in the residence halls. They offer a variety of events, tutoring services, employment opportunities and more.
Disability Services
Disability Services works with Campus Housing to provide reasonable housing and dining accommodations for students with disabilities. Students who are interested in obtaining housing or dining accommodations will need to register with Disability Services and provide documentation before they are able to submit a new accommodations request.