7 things you should do if you’re struggling to make friends on campus

1. Stay in touch 

It’s easy to get caught up in the pursuit of new friends and relationships. However, it’s also important to stay in touch with the friends and family you have back home. If you’re struggling, reach out to someone you know and trust to talk through it. Staying connected with the people who already know and love you can be a good reminder that you have support, and you don’t have to face everything on your own.  

2. Be kind to yourself 

Many students may feel pressured to make as many friends as quickly as they can, and that’s not always realistic. This can be particularly difficult if you notice that students are posting pictures with their friends or at parties on social. At times, it may feel like everyone else is having an easier time making friends and has it all figured out. However, this often isn’t the case, and it’s important to not take things at face value. If you’re struggling to make friends, show yourself compassion and give yourself permission to take it one day at a time. 

3. Ease your expectations 

When looking for friends, it’s common to expect one person to have it all. However, it’s important to keep in mind one person simply can’t meet all your needs. Similarly, you can’t expect yourself to meet all of the needs of other people. 

Instead of hunting for the ‘perfect’ friend, focus on cultivating a few different relationships that can support you in different ways. For instance, you may know someone who’s great to study with or watch sports with, while someone else may be better as a confidant. Managing expectations around what people can bring to a friendship (or relationship in general) can help you create a more robust social network that you can rely on for different things. 

4. Work with anxiety 

It's normal to feel nervous when meeting new people. Learning to work with and overcome anxiety is key to allowing ourselves to develop deeper relationships. If you experience physical anxiety or discomfort, practice grounding techniques such as reporting factual news about the present moment. In your head, you can state your name, age, today’s date, location and other details to bring you back to the moment. 

If you struggle with anxious or worried thoughts, consider ways that you can acknowledge these thoughts without acting on them. One way to do this is to separate yourself from your thoughts through labeling. For instance, if you are feeling concerned that the other person does not like you, try labeling it as, “My thought is trying to tell me that the other person may not like me.” Separating yourself from your thoughts can be a good reminder that just because you're having the thought doesn’t make it true. Just be yourself and let yourself be seen. 

5. Don’t underestimate small talk 

While it can feel uncomfortable or awkward (especially if you’re on the shyer side or don’t know someone that well), it can also provide benefits in forming friendships. In fact, small talk plays a significant role in paving the way for more meaningful connections. 

Whether we’re talking to a casual acquaintance or someone new, small talk can help us build up to more meaningful conversations and connections. For instance, asking someone about their weekend plans may help inform us about their hobbies or interests. These insights can help move the conversation forward. Take advantage of these moments to bond over common interests or learn more about someone by asking follow-up questions.  

Small talk can also be beneficial for those of us who may feel out of practice. In many ways, it’s the perfect opportunity to practice conversation skills. Most people expect small talk to be awkward or challenging, so it’s the perfect time to test out subjects, questions and other strategies to get to know someone without the pressure of a formal conversation. 

6. Take the pressure off 

Social interactions can come with unexpected pressures. Here are a few techniques you can use to get to know people and reduce anxiety.