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For many of us, trauma can be challenging to define and even more challenging to talk about. Here are five things everyone should know about trauma and ways to support a friend or loved one.

1) Trauma is subjective

One of the reasons trauma can be hard to define is because it is subjective by nature. It’s not always the circumstances of an event that determine whether or not it is traumatic for a person. Instead, it’s important to look at the subjective emotional experience a person had in that moment. The more helpless, overwhelmed, out of control or scared a person feels during an event, the more likely it is to be traumatic. It’s also important to remember that while trauma is often associated with events that threaten our lives or safety, something can be traumatic even if it didn’t involve physical harm. 

2) Trauma can encompass multiple experiences

Emotional and psychological trauma can have a number of causes, some of which are often overlooked. Here are a few causes of trauma.

One-time events, including:

  • Serious accidents or injuries
  • Assault or physical attacks
  • Sexual assault
  • Natural or person-made disasters
  • Targeted or community violence, including mass shootings
  • Sudden death of a loved one
  • Witnessing a violent accident, event or encounter

Ongoing distress, including:

  • Racism, discrimination or prejudice
  • Harassment or bullying
  • Police brutality
  • Domestic violence and intimate partner abuse
  • Unsafe neighborhood or living situation
  • Chronic health conditions
  • Community violence
  • Stalking
  • Refugee or undocumented status
  • Abuse or neglect
  • Trafficking
  • Food or housing insecurity

Events that may be overlooked, including:

  • Surgeries
  • Significant breakup or divorce, which can include custody disputes
  • Childbirth, abortion or miscarriage
  • Early childhood experiences, including abuse, neglect or feeling unsafe
  • Hospitalizations, diagnoses or serious health conditions 
  • Substance use disorders in a relationship or family
  • Job loss
  • Workplace distress

3) Traumatic events aren’t always experienced first-hand

People who work closely with those who have experienced traumatic events can develop secondhand or vicarious trauma. This is common for professionals working in victim services, law enforcement, medical services, fire services or other allied professions, including university staff and faculty.

Vicarious trauma occurs when a person is repeatedly exposed to trauma through other people. This can include listening to people recount their traumatic experiences, hearing about the aftermath of an event, reviewing case files or responding to incidents, among other work duties related to trauma. Anyone who works with survivors of trauma or violence is at risk of being negatively impacted by vicarious trauma, which shares many characteristics of first-hand trauma.

Learn how to identify and mitigate the impacts of secondary trauma.

4) People may respond differently to traumatic experiences

Traumatic experiences can elicit a wide range of responses, and not everyone will react to a traumatic event in the same way. It’s important to know that this is common. There is no “right” way to respond or react when we experience trauma. However, if you are worried about a friend, colleague or loved one, here are a few common signs to watch out for.

Physical signs

  • Body aches or pain, including headaches, stomachaches, backaches
  • Sudden sweating or perspiration, even when it’s not hot
  • Heart palpitations (fluttering)
  • Changes to sleep, appetite or libido (interest in sex)
  • Constipation or diarrhea
  • Easily startled by noises or unexpected touch
  • Increased susceptibility to illnesses due to immune system impacts

Emotional signs

  • Anxiety, depression
  • Denial, shock, disbelief
  • Increased need for control
  • Feeling helpless
  • Shame or guilt
  • Difficulty concentrating or remembering things
  • Numbing, restricting feelings
  • Irritability, restlessness, anger
  • Flashbacks
  • Panic, feeling out of control
  • Hyper-awareness or -alertness
  • Nightmares
  • Mood swings
  • Destructive coping or addictive behaviors (drinking, gambling, high-risk activities, etc.)

Social signs

  • Relationship issues, such as avoiding intimacy or increased personal conflicts
  • Withdrawing from others, isolating
  • Difficulty trusting others
  • Worrying about being a burden to others
  • Minimizing the experience to themselves or others (“it wasn’t that bad”) or repression (“forgetting”)
  • Lack or decreased participation in activities, hobbies or events that used to be enjoyable
  • Academic, social or work difficulties

 Note: While these are common reactions that a person can have after a traumatic experience, this list is not exhaustive.

5) Supporting survivors is key

When upsetting things happen and people need someone to talk to, they will usually turn to a friend, colleague, family member or someone they trust before seeking out professional help. Understanding how to support someone who has been through a traumatic experience and how to help connect them with resources is a valuable skill. 

Here are some ways you can help support a survivor.

Make sure they’re safe

If someone tells you about a traumatic, distressing or disturbing experience, it’s important to check in with them about their physical and mental safety. You can help address immediate safety concerns by asking if they:

Listen without judgment

Ask open-ended questions to gain a better understanding of what they’re feeling and what they may need. Even if you’ve had a similar experience, avoid the temptation to say you know how they feel. Instead, practice active listening, validate their feelings and avoid giving advice.

It can also be helpful to remember the acronym TALK:

  • T: Thank the survivor for sharing with you
  • A: Ask what would be helpful (and understand that they may not know)
  • L: Listen non-judgmentally
  • K: Keep supporting them, keep checking back in

Normalize their feelings

Normalize and validate their feelings. This doesn’t mean that you’re normalizing the bad thing that happened, but instead you’re affirming that their response to it is understandable. People respond to traumatic events differently. However someone is feeling or acting, it’s normal. This may include laughing, crying, anger, numbness or other responses.

Stay calm

Remain calm during the conversation and avoid letting your own emotional response interfere. Remember that you can’t “fix” the situation, make the person feel better or take their pain away. Sometimes it’s most effective to sit with them and listen. 

“Sometimes we need someone to simply be there not to fix anything, or to do anything in particular, but just to let us feel that we are cared for and supported.” — Bipratik Saha

Follow their lead

When someone has experienced a traumatic event, it’s important to let them take the lead and decide what they want to do. Avoid telling them what to do or how to feel about their situation. Instead, help them explore options for additional support or next steps, and don’t pressure them to take action. If someone makes a decision about how to move forward that you don’t agree with, avoid sharing your disapproval. Instead, let them know that you support them and are there for them. 

Campus resources for students

Office of Victim Assistance (OVA)

OVA provides free and confidential information, consultation, support, advocacy and short-term, trauma-focused counseling services for students, grad students, faculty and staff who have experienced and/or witnessed a traumatic, disturbing or life-disruptive event.

Confidential resource

Counseling and Psychiatric Services (CAPS)

CAPS provides mental health support for all CU Boulder students, including mental health screenings, brief individual therapy, group therapy, workshops and more.

Confidential resource

Student Support and Case Management (SSCM)

SSCM provides support for students throughout their time at CU Boulder. They are here to help students identify issues and appropriate resources. They also work collaboratively with students to develop an action plan.

Office of Institutional Equity and Compliance (OIEC)

OIEC implements and enforces university policies around sexual assault, intimate partner abuse and stalking, and other forms of sexual misconduct. If you or someone you know at CU has been impacted, reports can be filed online. Anonymously reporting is an option as well.

WellCU Training

The WellCU series offers concrete skills and information about topics that are highly relevant to student health and well-being. Students can attend any individual session or attend all five to receive a non-degree certificate. Topic areas include party smart, supporting survivors, de-escalation, suicide prevention and self-care.

Campus resources for staff and faculty

Office of Victim Assistance (OVA)

OVA provides free and confidential information, consultation, support, advocacy and short-term, trauma-focused counseling services for students, grad students, faculty and staff who have experienced and/or witnessed a traumatic, disturbing or life-disruptive event.

Confidential resource

Faculty and Staff Assistance Program (FSAP)

FSAP is committed to promoting the mental and emotional well-being of CU’s staff and faculty. Licensed staff counselors can offer confidential consultations, brief individual therapy and a variety of self-care workshops at no cost to employees of the university.

Confidential resource

Office of Institutional Equity and Compliance (OIEC)

OIEC implements and enforces university policies around sexual assault, intimate partner abuse and stalking, and other forms of sexual misconduct. If you or someone you know at CU has been impacted, reports can be filed online. Anonymously reporting is an option as well.

Supporting Student Resiliency Training

The Supporting Student Resiliency Professional Development Series provides CU faculty and staff with concrete skills to better support students. Sessions focus on areas critical to student retention and success. Faculty and staff can attend any individual session; those attending all three will receive a non-degree certificate. 

Health and Wellness presentations

Health and Wellness Services provides a variety of free presentations by request for staff, faculty and student organizations, including but not limited to:

  • Supporting Survivors
  • Impact of Trauma and the Healing Process
  • Love Shouldn’t Hurt
  • Self-care for Vicarious Trauma
  • The Trauma of Oppression

Mandatory reporting policy

All university employees who have the authority to hire, promote, discipline, evaluate, grade, formally advise or direct faculty, staff or students are considered "responsible employees" and are required to report alleged misconduct to the Office of Institutional Equity and Compliance (OIEC). This includes resident advisors, teaching assistants, professors, graduate instructors, academic advisors, coaches or other university employees with oversight authority. 

Any sexual misconduct, intimate partner abuse (including dating and domestic violence), stalking, protected-class discrimination or harassment, or related retaliation disclosed to a responsible employee must be reported to OIEC. The person impacted has the choice about whether and how they want to proceed. Reporting is required to help ensure that people understand their rights and options and the resources available. 

 Note: Confidential campus resources are exempt from CU Boulder’s mandatory reporting policy, including the Office of Victim Assistance (OVA), Counseling and Psychiatric Services (CAPS), Faculty and Staff Assistance Program (FSAP) and Ombuds.

Learn more about mandatory reporting

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