Our lives are built around relationships: significant others, roommates, family, friends. Regardless of what kinds of relationships we have, making an effort can go a long way. Consider these tips for building better relationships.
1. Be reasonable (and honest) about expectations
Understanding exactly what we want out of a relationship is important. Each of us has unique needs, and we often look to our relationships to help fill them. It may take some introspection, but getting a sense of what we want and what we’re asking of others can help us pinpoint the kinds of relationships we are looking for.
Sometimes we expect others to support us in ways that are unrealistic, or in ways that the other person isn’t aware of or is unable to fulfill. Understanding our own needs and expectations is just the first step, though. Being open and communicating these with the people in our relationships is just as important. Take time to sit down and have a conversation about your needs and expectations, and allow the other people in your relationships to do the same.
2. Know where you stand
Values represent the things we believe, expect, cherish and prioritize in our lives. Aligning our lives and relationships with these beliefs can help us feel more satisfied and at ease. However, when our lives don’t align with our values, it can create a point of contention, stress, conflict or a combination of all three.
For instance, if you are in recovery or choosing to be substance-free, but your close friends often urge you to party with them, it may be time to take a step back and evaluate the situation. It can be helpful to share your values with those closest to you and let them know where you stand.
The people in our relationships won’t always have the same values as us, and that’s okay. Compromise is natural, and it can be great in small doses. However, it’s still important to know where we stand and when to draw the line on matters that are important to us. Small compromises are a given in any relationship, but we should be careful not to compromise ourselves or our core values for the sake of our relationships. Communicate with the people closest to you, and let them know what is most important to you.
3. Practice listening over speaking
We’re all guilty of it: listening just enough so that we can formulate our own response. While we may be able to get away with this in the short term, it’s important to actively listen in our relationships to have the best outcomes long term.
Try taking a step back to really listen to the people in your relationships. Ask questions and clarify what you hear. Giving people our undivided attention helps us to better communicate and makes them feel heard. When it’s your turn to speak, ask for them to do the same. It may take some practice, but it’ll be well worth it in the end.
Resources
Roommate getting on your nerves? Having relationship issues or difficulty meeting people? Counseling and Psychiatric Services (CAPS) offers a free Relationship Hacks workshop.
Student Conduct and Conflict Resolution also offers conflict coaching, dialogues and other resources for working through disagreements.