Intimate partner abuse occurs in a relationship that is or has been intimate. There is a pattern of one person inflicting emotional or physical pain on another in order to control them. Abuse can take many forms includng verbal, emotional, psychological, physical, sexual, financial, and reproductive. The people involved could be involved romantically, past or present partners, spouses, or co-parents of a child. People of any gender or sexual orientation can be impacted by intimate partner abuse.
Examples of victim/survivor experiences
The person feels:
- constantly put down or criticized by their partner.
- sad, worried and stressed out about their relationship.
- that they are giving up things that are important to them like school, family or friendships because of their relationship.
- often worried about their partner’s anger.
- scared of their partner’s unpredictability.
- that they are scanning for when the next eruption of anger will come.
- embarrassed for people to know how their partner treats them.
Examples of abusive behaviors
The partner:
- wants to make all the decisions.
- tries to control what their partner does, how they look, who they see and talk with.
- reads their partner’s email, calls their partner frequently, checks up on their partner.
- manipulates with threats, insults, guilt.
- prevents their partner from working, studying or socializing.
- uses money to control their partner.
- threatens to hurt their partner, loved ones or themselves.
- keeps close track of where their partner is at all times, for example may use tracking application on phone.
- forces their partner into sexual activity the partner doesn’t want.
- destroys personal property, threatens pets.
- pushes, shoves, slaps, hits their partner.
If you are in an unsafe situation or are about to be harmed, change your location if you are able and give yourself some space to consult with friends, a confidential resource, or call 911. The Office of Victim Assistance has phone support 24/7. You can also speak with a confidential Boulder community based DV advocate 24-hours a day by calling the Safehouse Progressive Alliance for Nonviolence hotline 303-444-2424.