The Difference Between Helpful and Unhelpful Behaviors in Relationships
The Difference Between Helpful and Hurtful Behaviors in Relationships
Trust
It’s helpful when we support each other’s decisions and friendships.
We can choose to share intimate details about ourselves and know that the other person will respect our vulnerability.
Solo time and spending time with other friends are seen as valuable and important in helping each of us be the best we can be!
We share our phone or location with each other only when it is something we both feel good about. Information is used to keep
each other safe.
It’s hurtful when one or both of us act like the other person isn’t good at making decisions or choosing friends.
One or both of us uses the other person’s deeply personal thoughts and feelings to hurt or manipulate.
One or both of us expresses jealousy or hypervigilance when the other person talks to or spends time with friends, family, classmates or others.
One or both of us violates the other person’s privacy by tracking location or snooping on the other person’s phone. Information is used to control, limit or frighten the other.
Disagreement
It’s helpful when we both can communicate our frustration, hurt or perspectives in a way that doesn’t belittle the other.
We both do our best to listen and try to see the other person’s perspective.
We assume the best in each other. We realize that everyone has flaws, and we don’t use those to put each other down.
When conflict is about something we both need to agree on, we try to find realistic solutions that meet both of our needs.
Most of our disagreements can be resolved without a fight.
It’s hurtful when one or both of us make a habit of downplaying, physically harming or using anger to end an argument.
One or both of us regularly gets agitated, angry, or volatile towards the other person’s perspective.
Because of a disagreement, one or both of us acts like the other is simply a bad person. Demeaning name-calling and put downs are used.
When conflict is about something we both need to agree on, one or both of us rarely compromises nor considers the other’s best interest.
One or both of us tries to control or manipulate the other person’s feelings, needs or perspective.
Communication
It’s helpful when we both can talk openly about our feelings, preferences, needs and hopes.
Most of the time, when either one of us makes a mistake or hurts the other person’s feelings - we can acknowledge what happened and genuinely repair the situation.
We respect each other’s privacy, limits and property. When feeling insecure, we seek out connection instead of control.
It’s hurtful when one or both of us consistently disrespects, ignores or demeans the other person’s ideas and feelings.
There are lots of times where it seems like one or both of us hurts the other person’s feelings intentionally. Apologies don’t generally lead to changed behavior.
One of us has threatened to or actually taken away the other person’s laptop or phone, made it difficult to talk to other people, or constantly tracks texts and DMs.