In Case you Missed this in Middle School – How to Exclude People in 7 Easy Steps
At the Center for Leadership, we talk a lot about inclusive leadership. But what if your goal is to actually diminish and exclude others? We got you covered. In case you missed this lesson in middle school, researchers have identified the key behaviors that can make others feel excluded (Kerr & Levin, 2008):
Hurt: Actual or threats of violence and harassment
Exploit: Selfishly taking and not sharing resources with others
Slander: Damaging a person’s social standing
Differentiate: Othering someone to reduce their claim to the group
Disengage: Failing to respond and connect with others
Avoid: Minimizing and avoiding interacting with someone
Deregulate: Disregarding social interaction norms such as saying hello
It is clear that some of these behaviors can land you in hot water in the workplace. But the more subtle behaviors are hard to prove and can be just as harmful. For example, ostracizing coworkers by disengaging with them or avoiding them can have more negative effects on employees’ sense of belonging, organizational commitment, and engagement than actual harassment (O’Reilly et al., 2015). These behaviors are also more prevalent with 70% of employees reporting being ostracized in the last 6 months compared to only 48% reporting harassment. Avoidance behaviors (even avoiding eye contact and speaking over someone as if they were not there) can increase the exclusion and ostracism that marginalized employees often experience at work.
Am I actually suggesting anyone engage in such behaviors? Obviously not. But you might unintentionally be excluding your colleagues by inadvertently leaving them out of social interactions, failing to use their name or make eye contact, or minimizing interactions with them.
Ask yourself these questions – do I ever not give credit where credit is due? Have I ever shared some negative gossip about a colleague? Is there someone I tend to ignore in meetings or even walking down the hall?
What’s the remedy? Do the opposite:
Help: Find ways to step in as an ally when you see someone experiencing microaggressions or harmful treatment
Amplify: Unselfishly share credit and work to promote your colleagues’ voice in meetings
Sponsor: Try to increase colleagues’ social standing by bringing up their name and their accomplishments when they are not in the room
INCLUSIFY: Celebrate the unique gifts that each team member brings and show them that they are an essential, valued member of the team
Engage: Respond to and actively listen to others while they are speaking
Identify: Form close, personal relationships with members of your team
Regulate: Alter your behavior to treat others the way they want to be treated
This list and this article is based on an article I coauthored with Dr. Salwa Rahim-Dillard, CEO of Equision Consulting.
Rahim-Dillard, S., & Johnson, S. K. (2023). Inclusive leadership is key to creating equity for women of color. In A Research Agenda for Gender and Leadership (pp. 155-173). Edward Elgar Publishing.
Kerr, N. L., & Levine, J. M. (2008). The detection of social exclusion: Evolution and beyond. Group Dynamics, 12(1), 39–52. https://doi.org/10.1037/1089-2699.12.1.39
Wesselmann, E. D., & Williams, K. D. (2017). Social life and social death: Inclusion, ostracism, and rejection in groups. Group Processes and Intergroup Relations, 20(5), 693–706. https://doi.org/10.1177/1368430217708861
Williams, K. D. (2007). Ostracism. Annual Review of Psychology, (58), 425–452. https://doi.org/10.1146/annurev.psych.58.110405.085641
Rahim-Dillard, S., & Johnson, S. K. (2023). Inclusive leadership is key to creating equity for women of color. In A Research Agenda for Gender and Leadership (pp. 155-173). Edward Elgar Publishing.