Below are suggestions for supportive responses as well as a list of responses to avoid when someone you know is experiencing grief.
Supportive Responses
There are simple ways to respond that show the person you care and will be there to support them.
- I am sorry for your loss.
- Is there any specific way I can help you right now?
- I cannot even imagine how much you are hurting.
- Can I call you and check in with you every so often? (Do not expect them to remember to call you.)
- I promise I will be here for you. (Only say if you can be there.)
- Would you like to talk about it? I want to hear what you have to say.
- It is OK with me if you cry. (Show emotion.)
- If a grieving person asks, “Why did this happen?” It is best to answer, “I do not know.”
- Just reaching out a hand, being there in silence, and letting them have their feelings is helpful.
- Sometimes just sitting with someone without having to say anything is the greatest gift you can give a grieving person.
- Do not stop trying to make contact over the months, unless they CLEARLY ask you to, they will appreciate your care even if they cannot take you up on it yet.
- Sometimes it takes weeks or months before a grieving person is able to reach out for help.
Responses to Avoid
People often try to confront grieving people with inappropriate comments coming from one's own discomfort, awkwardness, and fear.
- I know just how you are feeling.
- You have to be strong.
- At least they went fast.
- Do not cry — it will be over soon.
- Time will make it better.
- You are doing so well.
- It was God’s will.
- Keep busy-you will forget.
- At least you had the time you had together.
- This happened for the best.
- Are you over the worst of it?
- Boy, that was really fast.
- It could be worse.
- It is time to get on with your life.
- They were so sick-it is good it is over.
- Oh, but you have such good memories.
- I know how you feel; when I went through ...
This information came from HospiceCare of Boulder and Broomfield County.