How to Help a Friend (Sexual Assault)

Sometimes people in a difficult situation find it hard to assess their options, or even know where to begin. Friends, family and significant others can offer to listen, or do some of the basic footwork about what resources exist.

You might notice the person taking responsibility for the situation or feeling protective of the individual who hurt them. They may seem tired and withdrawn, angry and irritable, or oddly energetic and outgoing. Let the person know what you notice about their behavior and express your concern. Consider referring them to a confidential and supportive resource like the OVA.

Helpful responses:

  • Take the disclosure seriously.
  • Use the language the person is using (“forced me to have sex” “touched me there,” etc.).
  • Assess how recent the incident was (if within 72 hours, there are some time sensitive issues in that frame, see medical options above).
  • Consult with OVA about resources and options, or MESA after hours.
  • If you have been in a similar situation please know that your friend’s reactions and their choices may differ, and that is ok.
  • It is important to listen- learn more about how a sexual assault impacts people (click here).
  • Know that if you are a CU supervisor/instructor/advisor, you are obligated to report to the Office of Institutional Equity and Compliance (OIEC). Know that this can be done in a thoughtful and informed way.  How to handle mandatory reporting

Avoid:

  • Rush to be physically affectionate with the person unless you have a clear signal from them that it is welcome.
  • Asking questions that start with "why," as this can make people defensive or shut people down.
  • Escalating the situation, this can be overwhelming for the survivor.
  • Under-react, this can be invalidating.
  • Investigate or attempt to assess whether it was a “real” assault.
  • Using words the person isn't using (“that’s rape!” “you are a rape victim!”).
  • Share information with people who do not need to know.
  • Promise to keep it a secret if you can’t, won’t, or have an obligation to report.
  • Don’t forget about you! Getting support for yourself will allow you to be more available for your friend.

For more information on how to help please click here.