Whether you’re near or far from campus, the transition to CU Boulder can be significant for both students and families. As you navigate this change with your student, there may be certain topics you’d like to discuss before they leave. Here are some tips you can use when planning important conversations.
It’s okay to have mixed emotions
Students may be experiencing a range of emotions as they prepare to attend CU Boulder. Some may be excited and looking forward to more independence and new experiences while others may be more nervous, stressed or fearful of what the future holds. It’s normal for students and families to experience a mix of emotions during transition periods. However, it’s also important to keep in mind that these emotions can add additional stress and potential communication challenges.
Plan ahead
Tough, crucial, challenging – whatever you call them, important conversations are unique because we often care more about them. With a little preparation, these conversations can be positive and effective.
When possible, planning the conversation in advance can help. This assures you are able to share your own perspective and hear your student’s perspective more effectively. If you can, take a few minutes before your conversation to consider these questions:
- What outcome are you hoping for in this conversation?
- How could this conversation affect your relationship?
- What are some tools that you would like to use during the conversation?
- How are you feeling about this conversation?
- Are you making any assumptions about what your student will say or feel?
Listen for understanding
When you are ready to talk, begin by framing the conversation. Explain the importance of the relationship to you and share your intent to help ground you and your student.
Using observations and exploring the topic with open-ended questions will help keep your student engaged. For example, asking your student, “What do you expect from this semester?” is one way to learn more about their hopes and fears, to share your expectations and discuss any perceived differences. Be sure to give your student your undivided attention when answering questions. Listen for understanding and avoid casting judgment, even if you disagree with what your student says.
Practice de-escalation
Sometimes challenging conversations can catch us off-guard, or escalate more than we expect them to. In the heat of the moment, it can be easier to say something you might regret. If the conversation feels like it’s escalating, take a few deep breaths. Acknowledge that things are becoming tense and ask to take a break if necessary.
Take a step back
Keep in mind that conversations and disagreements don’t always resolve the way we’d like, and more often than not, seeing progress requires a series of conversations and a willingness to keep trying. If things feel like they’re unresolved, let your student know you appreciate their time and you’d like to follow up with them in the future. If things are resolved quickly, share your appreciation and gratitude with the other person and let them know you value their willingness to share.