Why do I need bystander skills? Having the skills to address problems, reduce harm, and deal with concerning situations that we witness is a critical way to contribute to a positive culture on campus. These are skills that we can all use throughout our lifetime in almost any context.
People want to help
You can reduce harm in the moment
People can get better at helping
There are many different kinds of situations where people need help, but there are a few key strategies that work in almost any context.
Be Direct
Some situations are straightforward, like when someone falls on the stairs or clearly needs help and can’t help themselves, and being direct may be your best option.
Be Creative, Use Distraction
Sometimes being direct has the potential to backfire, especially if tempers are high or people have been drinking, or if you’re worried you might be reading the situation wrong. Creating a distraction to draw attention away from a problem or interrupting a bad interaction can be very effective.
Be Creative, Go Covert
This is the art of flying under the radar. This strategy can be really useful when you don’t want to make people mad or risk embarrassing them, or draw attention to what you are doing. A successful “covert” intervention might not look like an intervention at all to someone else watching the situation.
Be Resourceful, Get Other Helpers
Sometimes the best strategy is to alert others of the situation. This may mean getting someone who is better positioned to help or who has the authority to address the problem. It may also just mean getting more people around you to recognize the problem and join in helping.
Now vs. Later
Sometimes helping doesn’t have to be limited to right there in the moment. In situations that aren’t emergencies, if we’re acquainted with the people involved, we have the option to talk to them at a later time. In some situations, the most effective time to act may be later, not on the spot. You may want time to gather your thoughts or think about what to say.
It’s almost closing time at a bar where you’ve been having a fun time hanging out with your friends. There’s a person who has clearly had too much to drink and you saw her friends leave without her about an hour ago after they had a loud disagreement. She’s talking to a guy who you haven’t noticed until now and he’s trying to help her get her coat on as he’s leading her to the door.
During a lively class discussion, another student makes a sweeping negative comment about people who have recently immigrated to the U.S. You feel pretty uncomfortable, but no one in the room speaks up about it, including the instructor. You are pretty sure that some people in the room might feel attacked or defensive.
You’re waiting in line for breakfast in the dining hall. It’s a busy time and the line is moving slowly. The person in front of you seems frustrated and when their turn comes to put in their order, they make a really mean comment to the server. At first the server looks surprised, but then they just put their head down without saying anything and work on cooking the order.
You’re coming home with your friends from a party on the Hill and you notice a person who appears to be asleep or passed out lying in the grass.
You’re walking across an intersection when you notice a person sitting in the grass next to the sidewalk. Their backpack is wide open and there are books and notebooks and personal items spread out on the grass; the person is rubbing their knee and their bike seems like it might be messed up. It’s hard to tell what may have happened and everyone else is just walking by without saying anything to the person.
You take the bus to campus every day. One morning a couple shows up at the bus stop and she’s talking to him in a really mean voice. It seems like he’s trying to reason with her, but she’s just getting angrier. She grabs him by the arm and gets in his face. You can’t hear what she’s saying, but you can see that he’s trying to pull away from her. Then she hits him.
You’re grabbing something from the refrigerator in the kitchen area where people from your department are eating lunch. You hear someone make a mean-spirited comment about something in the news and you believe that there are people in the room who might feel attacked by the comment, but may be hesitant to speak up. This kind of thing has happened in the past and some people in the department have stopped eating lunch in the kitchen.
Someone with authority in your department is known for saying things or behaving in ways that intimidate or humiliate untenured faculty/junior staff/graduate students (depending on the department). One morning you have to pass by a tense interaction in the hall in order to get to your office. This person is berating someone from the department in a way that you’ve seen them do before to other people. The person being yelled at isn’t saying anything.
