"Dear Buffy," How Do I Deal with a Disrespectful Faculty Supervisor?
Dear Buffy,
When I joined Rich Gastil’s lab as a postdoc, I was looking forward to building a good working relationship with a faculty member whose research I admired. I didn’t assume that Rich and I would become friends, but I did expect that we would have a collegial, respectful relationship. Rich shows no regard for me; he treats me like crap. The other week when I was giving a research brown bag, he spent the whole time on his tablet doing email and then he left as the discussion and questioning period was starting without saying a single thing to me. Other faculty supervisors listen to their postdocs presenting and ask them questions. Rich has also let me know that he’d prefer not to meet with me. Whenever I ask about setting up a meeting to discuss a lab matter, he always suggests the issue can be dealt with by email. I’m thinking of quitting at the end of the year and not doing the second year of my postdoc—being treated like a bother is not what I signed up for.
Dear Feeling Disrespected,
Before making such a consequential decision about your future, you need to talk with Rich. It is important for you to feel respected in your relationship with him, but it’s quite possible he has no sense that what he is doing is experienced by you as disrespect. You may be able to change how he acts simply by talking with him. The conversation you need to have will be a challenging one, but leaving without seeking to remedy the situation is not the way to go. In readying yourself for the conversation with Rich think about the best ways to describe the actions that bother you and how they make you feel. Keep open the possibility that how these acts make you feel—i.e. disrespected— may not have been Rich’s intention. Give him space to explain. Aim to be clear about what you are feeling, and at the same time think about wording options that will minimize you coming across as accusatory. For instance, you might begin by saying something like, “Rich, I’ve been upset about several things that have happened and I wanted to check out if what I thought these acts meant were what you intended.” Once a person knows that their actions are having a negative effect, they are often open to changing. By selecting you for the postdoc, you already know Rich was impressed with you. Given him a chance to show it.