Dear Buffy,
There are three of us, Leah, Jim and myself, who work together closely in a lab on a joint project under the supervision of Professor Terry Jenson. One of our tasks is to provide a weekly update to Terry about how the project is moving forward. Given lab activities that need close monitoring, weekly meetings can involve just one of us meeting with Terry. We all do these meetings, but Jim has volunteered and has done them much more often than Leah or I. After a meeting, Jim will report to us on what he said to Terry. Jim always describes what he has said to Terry in solo meetings in ways that suggest he is representing each of our efforts fairly. Jim also tells us that he is just trying to get the three of us credit for the good work we have done. We have begun to have doubts about what Jim is saying to Terry given several remarks Terry made to us. The other day when I was near to, but not visible to, where Jim and Terry were meeting, I could hear exactly what Jim said to Terry. He implied Leah and I were slacking and inept, and that the project would be nowhere if it weren’t for his efforts. I suspect Jim has been lying. What should we do?
—Angry with My Colleague
Dear Angry with my Colleague,
There are several things you could do to address this situation, but a first thing to consider is what is most important to you. How much do you care about your relationship with Jim? Are there other ways to make sure Terry gets a good sense of your performance?
If what you heard Jim say to Terry is not a one-off, Jim’s lying may be a recurring pattern. You need to have a conversation with Jim and find out. Let him know what you heard him say and explain how and why it has made you distrustful of him. Ask Jim why he said what he did. Give him a chance to explain; the situation may be different than you initially are thinking. As the three of you need to continue working together, it is important to talk and try and work things out.
If Jim apologizes, accept his apology and then think through how to repair your relationship. Regardless of what Jim says, you need to put in place working rules and practices to make a repeat of this situation unlikely to happen again. For instance, you might agree to rotate meetings among the three of you, and plan each week before the meeting with Terry to develop a list of what is to be reported out. Another option is that you could let Terry know that you see it as important to meet weekly as a group. Let Terry know that there are things to be discussed to make sure the project proceeds well that need his weekly input.
If Jim doesn’t apologize or doesn’t offer a reasonable explanation for why he said what he did, consider how the lab work can be divided to minimize the amount of coordination you and Leah need to do with Jim. In addition, take the steps mentioned above to change how you report to Terry. With these changes in your routine reporting procedures, Terry will have enough direct contact with you to form his own opinion of the quality of your work.
