Born in a slurry of primordial soup a few days before the ribozyme, Brad is always one step ahead of the competition. Brad’s first memory was winning the “3rd Annual Pangaea Science Fair” for inventing biochemistry. He spent many happy millenia probing the biochemical function of FGF. Eventually, Brad became disillusioned with the restrictiveness of his invention and moved to San Diego. He started a trend as thousands of organisms followed his example, thus sparking the beginning of terrestrial life and the amphibian craze. While in San Diego, Brad became interested in Pilates and embarked on a quest to become a Pilates Grand Champion. Doing so much Pilates made Brad hungry, so he invented cows so he could have steak. Unfortunately, Brad did not invent modern meat processing and his tools were limited to a machete. While controversial, some claim that this chapter of Brad’s life led to the publication of The Jungle and the foundation of the FDA. Having experienced the joys of the primordial soup and early terrestrial colonization, Brad made his way to Seattle in search of the antithesis of these early happy experiences: depressing weather and 90s grunge bands. It was there he developed the Pacific Northwestern blot which can resolve weather patterns and protein lysates on the same gel. This technique allowed Brad to establish the well known connection between FGF signalling and rain, rekindling his interest in his first love and providing tantalizing possibilities for solving famine and global warming. Buoyed by his discoveries he was recruited to Boulder, Colorado. He has spent over 20 years in Boulder shaping young minds with sarcastic and entertaining encouragement and raising his family including 807 pedigree dogs who perform vital tasks for society like guiding the blind, rescuing people from burning buildings, and protecting the Queen of England . One night, after watching the movies Forest Gump and Homeward Bound with his family, Brad too felt the need to run home. However, because Brad was already home, the only reasonable route he could take was to circumnavigate the globe. Since that day Brad has never used any mode of transportation besides his own legs. He accumulates more frequent flyer miles in a year than most CEOs yet he has never been on an airplane. This excessive running has a surprising benefit for the world, it reduces Brad’s grey matter with every race, preventing his brilliance from growing too bright and eclipsing the sun. Brad has brought many great discoveries and inventions to the world and shows no signs of slowing. Someday, however, like the mighty stars in the universe, Brad will retire. When he does, he is excited to take up new hobbies like body painting, base jumping, and RVing.