A Meditation on the IRC,
Incest and Netsex




 *** Users on #answers: Meagan @_JBerg
*** Mode change "+o Meagan " on channel #answers by _JBerg

Meagan> Hi. Where've you been forever?

<_JBerg> Been *real* busy lately. Work, personal, Michelle problems, etc. Notice the auto-op picked you up, even tho' it ain't the usual channel? :)

Meagan> Ah. Now that's grand. Thought you did it manually <shudder> :) Michelle problems??? Nah.

<_JBerg> Been averaging roughly 2-4 hours a night on sleep. Michelle has problems with parents and "herself."

Meagan> Now I feel guilty for pulling you away...

<_JBerg> Nah, you're pleasure. :) I don't have to deal with problems, when I'm talking to you. :)

Meagan> Since when??? :)

*** Action: _JBerg is yawning, from tension release. :)

Meagan> Just wanted to tell you that I was very upset by the conversation earlier today on the channel. Michelle helped me through that. Reminded me that I wanted to talk with you.

<_JBerg> What got you upset? One of the other users?

Meagan> "Users." Perfect word. Yes.

<_JBerg> Yes, most people online end up going through a "using" phase.

Meagan> He was a practicing child molester. We all had fits.

<_JBerg> <sigh> The world does contain not-nice people. Sorry it bothered you
so badly.

Meagan> Brought up that trust issue again. Wanted to get back to you.

<_JBerg> K, I'm all ears (or, at least, eyes :)

*** Action: Meagan is momentarily at a loss for words...imagine...

<_JBerg> I kinda knew to wait till you were ready. So, I "forgot" about the conversation.

Meagan> Okay: one, I think you have some judgments about netsex that I don't understand. Explain?

<_JBerg> I know little about "netsex," simply because I've never tried it. Made a decision to not use others, in that way.

Meagan> Now, you told me that several "sexperts" had try to beguile/initiate you, unsuccessfully, as you did not enjoy it.

<_JBerg> I had a few people try to entice me into it. I've flirted around the edges of it, but never to any depth. Didn't "taste" right. Understand?

Meagan> Okay. Explain how fantasy sex with multiple partners is in the "use" category, while "swinging" is not. Please.

<_JBerg> Michelle complains because I don't even "netsex" with her. :) In my (note that keyword) opinion, netsex is a fantasy thing. You're using each other to help build your own fantasy.

Meagan> And the difference from swinging?

<_JBerg> In reality, group sex can be a group thing. Where you attempt to please/satisfy other people. While it is possible to do the same online, I don't see that happening. People drop into their own fantasy, tending to ignore their partners' needs.

Meagan> Not always. To those, you don't return. The others, you savor. Or: I do. Conceptually, then, there is little difference?

<_JBerg> Remember, these are my *opinions*. Subject to error and to differences in the individual cases. :) Conceptually, sexual activities (I grant) do not require physical proximity. A love letter of the 1800s is as much netsex as what we encounter online.

Meagan> Understood (and good example!). But moving from that conceptual premise of parity, I notice also that you have some judgments about the way(s) in which I work through my incest history.

<_JBerg> Meag, I have made *no* personal judgments about your actions in this regard. If it works for you, then I'm happy for you. However... I'm not of the opinion that what you're doing is a valid thing for you. Since I'm not in close on the situation, I cannot say this is the case. However, this is my personal opinion.

Meagan> Now you get to explain "valid." :)

<_JBerg> Valid, insofar as whether it is beneficial to you (and to others).

Meagan> Okay. That's what I thought. Now tell me why you think netsex may not be beneficial to me/others.

<_JBerg> What I see you as doing, is attempting to harden yourself against your memories through exposure to a "safe" fantasy life. Note my stress on the word "safe." I don't think it is a safe thing for you to be doing. Rub against a dirty wall, and you're going to end up getting "dirty."




 Forward to JBerg and Meagan, continued

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