Recognizing Disordered Eating

Often, people do not meet the clinical criteria to be diagnosed with one of the three main eating disorders, but they still may be struggling with issues related to food, eating, and body image. In other words, they may show signs of disordered eating, which can have a negative impact on their health, happiness, and self-esteem. Additionally, these problems may develop into a full-blown eating disorder.

If you are concerned about a friend's or relative's eating patterns, take a look at the list of questions below. If you feel the answer is "yes" to any of these questions, talk with your friend (some guidelines for approaching such a sensitive topic follow).

Has your friend lost or gained a significant amount of weight recently?

Does the person you are concerned about avoid eating meals or snacks when you are together?

Does the person place food into "good" or "bad" categories?

Does s/he avoid an entire food group (i.e., won't eat any fats, or any carbs, or any protein)?

Are they preoccupied with knowing and calculating the number of fat grams and/or calories in everything consumed?

Does s/he often talk or worry about his or her size, shape, or weight?

Are you suspicious that your friend is purging after eating (i.e., vomiting, abusing laxatives or diuretics)?

Does s/he weigh him or herself often (e.g., more than once a day, after every meal)?

Does the person exercise because s/he feels obligated to, not because s/he wants to or enjoys being active?

Does the person regularly choose to miss out on a social occassion in order not to miss exercising?

Does s/he consume a large amount of food (i.e., more than twice as much as someone else in a similar setting might eat) in a short period of time?

How to help and talk to your friend

Learn as much as you can about eating disorders and disordered eating. The websites listed on the resources section of this page are a good place to start. Being prepared with as much knowledge as possible when you approach your friend will help you when your friend insists behaviors are not problematic or makes excuses in order to maintain disordered eating.

Be honest. Your friend will appreciate your sincerity if you stick to openly and honestly sharing your concerns. People may feel ashamed or embarrassed about their behavior, so avoiding or ignoring your suspicions will not help the situation improve. Try to have specific examples of things that are causing you concern.

Try to be caring, but firm. You can understand where your friend is coming from without conceding that there is nothing to be concerned about. S/he may go to great lengths to defend or rationalize behavior - caring about him or her does not mean being manipulated. Some ways to be supportive and non-confrontational are:
1. State your concerns using "I" statements, such as I'm concerned about you because you refuse to eat breakfast or lunch. It scares me to hear you purging. I'm worried that you are not eating enough considering how much you exercise.
2. Avoid making accusations buy not using "you" statements, such as You must be crazy! Your behavior is causing all these problems. You have to eat something/stop exercising.
3. Avoid providing simple solutions. If you'd just stop, everything would be fine. Just eat! If you didn't think about it so much, your weight wouldn't bother you as much.

Share your concerns with someone, such as a teacher, doctor, nutritionist, counselor, or some other trusted adult. The more support your friend has, and the sooner he or she gets it, the more likely they will be able to work through their problems and become healthy.

Remember that your friend may need professional help. You can't make the choice for your friend to change - only s/he can do that. If your friend won't listen to you, tell someone who s/he might be more willing to listen to. Give them a resource list (click here for a list of local resources), and make sure that you convey that you will be there for support in the future.