When Alcohol is a Problem
Alcohol abuse can cause problems not only for the abuser, but for people around her/him. Spouses, family members, friends often ask, "What do I say?", "What can I do to help?", "When should I say something?."
When there is evidence that a co-worker, a friend or family member may have a problem with alcohol (e.g. returning from lunch smelling of alcohol, missing days or work or classes, avoiding friends/co-workers, declining job performance or academic problems), there are steps that can be taken to address the problem. First however, it is important to make the decision to talk with the friend or co-worker. To continue denying what you have observed about a person's behavior and possible abuse can be very costly to you and the person. In addition, it will be helpful to 'document' the behavior you have observed (poor job performance, slipping grades, frequent arguments, etc.). Do not label or diagnose. Following the decision to address the issue and the identification of specific behaviors which indicate possible alcohol abuse, the following steps can lead to a successful intervention. Be sure that the conversation you have is done in private with the assurance of confidentiality and that the individual is sober. Frequently the workplace is the most effective environment for intervention.
Step 1. Indicate That You Care. Your intent is to talk with the person about their behavior not to judge them. Being scared or reluctant to confront is normal and a sign you care. Using words such as, "I care about you because we have been good friends for a long time," can be helpful.
Step 2. Share the Behavior You Have Seen. When speaking with a Co-worker, friend or family member, focus on the behavior changes you have observed (job performance, declining academic performance, increase in arguments). Be as specific as possible when sharing your observations.
Step 3. Indicate How the Behavior Affects You. In sharing the Person's impact on you (does not include what other people may have observed or said), it is helpful to use 'feeling' words such as sad, angry, frightened. An example might be: "It frightens me to see you get into so may arguments."
Step 4. Share the Belief that Alcohol May Be the Problem. Contrast the person's behavior when s/he has been drinking to when they are sober. You might say, "When drinking, you tend to become verbally abusive which is not like you when you don't drink."
Step 5. Be a Good Listener. Be very careful not to 'lecture' the person. State what you want to say and then be quiet and listen don't argue. This is a point in the conversation where it is easy to let them be in control by drawing you into an argument.
Step 6. State Your Expectations. Once again, describe the behavior you have observed and state what you would like the person to do about the possible alcohol abuse. An example might include: "I would like you to get an alcohol evaluation within the next week or two."
It is not uncommon for the person whom you have just confronted to become angry and insist that nothing is wrong. Or s/he may defend themselves, blame others or make excuses for their behavior or why they drink. In any event, don't let this type of response discourage you. Denying a problem is one of the unfortunate symptoms of alcohol abuse or dependency. Reassure the person that you will be there for them when you are needed. It is also helpful to tell the person what you are willing to do with and for them (e.g. go to an AA meeting with them, refer them for a formal assessment or talk with them again in a couple weeks).
The Faculty and Staff Assistance Program is available as a resource for the troubled employee or to help formulate a plan for discussing an alcohol abuse issue with a friend or colleague. Call 303-492-3020 to schedule an appointment.