CUDN Guidelines/Agreements

 The following guidelines may help facilitate a spirit of dialogue:

Listening

• Listen from a place of learning rather than for confirmation of current thinking
• Listen for each person’s special contribution to deepen understanding.
• Listen for common threads from the collective, from the whole, as well as for differences. 
• Listen to yourself, each other, and the group as a whole.
• Listen to the quality of your own listening.
• Listen with resilience, “hanging in” when what is said is hard to hear.

 Speaking

• Speak when you are moved from your life experience.
• When possible, use “I” statements instead of “we”, “you” or “they” and refrain from stating your views as global or absolute truths.
• Reflect before speaking; then share even half-formed, unfinished ideas or thoughts.  They may be the seeds of new insights and intelligence for the group. 
• Share air time. Invite others into the conversation out of curiosity and interest, and allow for silence when appropriate.
• Tell your story without blaming, shaming, or attacking.
• Acknowledge your new insights gained from the group.

 
Discovering

• Ask questions from a place of genuine curiosity, wondering, or not knowing, rather than to make a point.
• Be willing to be uncomfortable, confused, uncertain.
• Suspend or postpone conclusions; open yourself to discovery.
• Pay attention to your judgments, assumptions, and certainties.  Hold them lightly, explore and examine them, and consider alternatives that may be just as useful.
• Be present to what’s happening inside you as well as in the group.
• Look for deeper levels of understanding.  What is the “meaning” of something to the other person.
• When there is a disagreement, keep talking.  Use disagreement as an opportunity to explore different perspectives.
• Allow yourself to be influenced.
• Be open to exploring multiple possible outcomes, and unattached to preconceived results.
• Respect confidentiality.  If you talk about your dialogue experience to people outside of the group, refrain from using people’s names or sharing their personal experiences.