something 'light hearted' for the summer "about the market"

A dear colleague brought the humor piece (below)
to my attention.

As some friends know, I am fascinated by the
sociology of humor.

And, the following shall remain anonymous, as
even with fifteen minutes of Googling it, I
found no author.

And, where ever it arose from, it has spread to at least
307 web pages.  I suspect the piece comes from a humor
anthology, and has been embellished (see longer
version, also below).

I did find the short version (posted at:

http://www.bearmarketcentral.com/fotleymule.htm
)

"A lighthearted look at today's market action"
courtesy of Mark Guthner

Helium was up, feathers were down.
Paper was stationary.
Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading.
Knives were up sharply.
Cows steered into a bull market.
Pencils lost a few points
Hiking equipment was trailing.
Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline.
Weights fell in heavy trading.
Light switches were off.
Mining equipment hit rock bottom.
Diapers remain unchanged.
Shipping lines stayed at an even keel.
The market for raisins dried up.
Coca Cola fizzled.
Caterpillar Stock inched up a bit.
Sun peaked at midday.
Balloon prices were inflated.
Scott Tissue touched a new bottom.
And batteries exploded in an attempt to recharge the market.


and a longer version (posted at:

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/andychaps_the-funnies/message/979?source=1
)

TODAY'S STOCK MARKET REPORT
Sent to me by Tony: <<RevTonyAG@a...,com>>

**Helium is up, feather are down. Paper was stationary.

**Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading.

**Knives were up sharply.

**Cows steered into a bull market.

**Pencils lost a few points.

**Hiking equipment was trailing.

**Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline.

**Weights were up in heavy trading.

**Lights switches were off.

**Mining equipment hit rock bottom.

**Diapers remained unchanged.

**Shipping lines stayed at an even keel.

**The market for raisins dried up.

**Coca cola fizzled.

**Caterpillar stock inches up a bit.

**Sun peaked at midday.

**Balloon prices were inflated.

**Scott Tissue touched a new bottom.

**Batteries exploded in an attempt to recharge the market.

**Kite sales hit an all time high.

**Fish sales were floundering.

**Yoyos continue their cycling up and down.

**Yachts were all wet.

**Playground equipment went on a slide.

**Ice machines were frozen solid.

**Paper shredders were tearing up the market.

**Fencing was having a field day.

**Windows were breaking all records.

**Javelin sales missed the mark.

**Hunting equipment is being scoped out.

**Gravel futures are bumping along.

**Airplanes have gone sky high.

**Parachutes seem to be drifting.

**Frog legs took a jump.

**Medical supplies had a microscopic increase.

**Telescopes have a far reaching plan.

**Jazz sales are swinging right along.

**Cannon balls are simply exploding.

**Diamonds are experiencing a hard market.

**Rubber band sales are tight.

**Suspenders have had nothing happening.

**Mouse sales are squeaking by.

**Printer sales seem to have a good margin.

**Games have been spinning wildly.

**Books have just about recovered.

**Running shorts are now on track.

**Seat belt sales have been constricted.

**Building supplies are going up.

**Glues are just holding their own.

**Candy futures are looking sweet.

**Valium sales are depressed.

**Steering wheels have turned the corner.

**Kitchen wears are really cooking.

**Spatulas are experiencing a big turn over.

**Warning: the bubble in gum sales is going to collapse suddenly.

**Hydraulic jacks are slowly going up.

**Polish sausages have experienced a dog eat dog reality lately.

**Banks are underfunded.

**Bed sheets are selling short.

**There is but brief news on boxer shorts.

**Clack sales are ticking along nicely.

**Railroads are now on track.

**Golf carts are about par right now.

**Sand paper is having a rough time.

**Nails are taking a real hammering.

**Bolts are slipping but nuts are making a big turn around.

**Bridges have been drawing interest lately.

**Soap has been slipping badly.

**Light bulb sales are dimming badly.

**Springs are bouncing back.

**Cracker sales are crumbling.

**The news on energy is shocking.

**Dryers are spinning out of control.

**Wash machines are going through their cycles.

**Exercise equipment sellers are sweating right now.

**Homes scales are have a heavy resurgence.

**The profits on food is being eaten away.

**Medical supplies does not look healthy.

**Bricks are holding up nicely.

**Ladders are beginning to lean now.

**Card board boxes are packing it in.

**Electric fan sales are breezing by.

**Tractors are ploughing right along.


http://groups.yahoo.com/group/andychaps_the-funnies/message/979?source=1


-- 


           W. Curtiss Priest, Director, CITS
   Research Affiliate, Comparative Media Studies, MIT
      Center for Information, Technology & Society
         466 Pleasant St., Melrose, MA  02176
   781-662-4044  BMSLIB@MIT.EDU http://Cybertrails.org