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The Story
by Kim Addonizio
The woman came home to find her husband
and children sitting around the table
as they'd done so many nights, the lamp on the sideboard casting
its usual glow
over the rough wood, some flowers the children had picked in
a blue vase,
the youngest daughter's drawing of a horse tacked beside the
window
with its burlap drape. They sat around the table with their severed
heads set before them
on the woven placemats, and each one's arms had been lifted so
the hands
rested on top of the hair, thick hair of her husband she'd wrapped
around
her fingers, fine hair of her two daughters, and the baby's soft,
barely visible wisps
over the small skull the baby's hands were tiny, they'd had to
nail them in place,
and this is where I begin to hate the man
who told the story, who made me see
not just their deaths but the soldiers standing around afterwards,
the arc
of the hammer as it comes down and drives in what I now can't
forget;
the best I can do is to think of Christ, so I can somehow bear
the nails,
so I can carry them to you, and maybe I'm no better than the
soldiers to do that.
I'm asking you to walk into your own house, to see a child's
head
bent over her homework as she scissors pictures from a magazine,
the bright or dark hair she brushes impatiently out of her eyes.
I don't know why I need to say this, or what good or evil it
does. I want
the old, acceptable story of suffering,
the cross become icon, holy blood
in the chalice. I want not to know what I know as I turn back
to my life,
my friends who love me, as I set the table with candles and glasses
for wine
and later put my hands in my lover's hair; he enters me, we fall
together
onto the bed, he bites my nipples as hard as I can stand it and
then harder,
and still it's pleasure I feel, we are given this, too; I tell
it to myself over
and over as we make love like animals deep in the forest, far
from any village,
caring nothing for the world, ravenous for each other, crying
out
while workmen slowly hack a road toward us, while the machines
come on.
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