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DARKNESS:
Club noise. A local club. The song kicks in and we SMASH UP:
Way close on the mug of JEF STEIN, lead singer of JEF STEIN'S OSAGE. A top 40 cover band here at "The 'Ville" as the regulars call it. JEF Hey everybody! I'm Jef Stein and this is Jef Stein's Osage! We're glad y'all could make it out here tonight to hear us. If you're new, make sure you get on our mailing list; see Serena, she'll sign your ass up. Here's another one you all know, I'm sure and it features my main man, Bret, on guitar. DON'T STOP BELIEVIN', people!!!! And we're off. The song. You've heard it a bazillion times. When there's no one else in the car, you turn it up. Jef's way into singing it. He's a little too old and a little too heavy, but hey, he makes a good living here and he and Serena have a nice arrangement. He sings the hell out of it. BRET, the guitar player, and our hero, lays into the solo as it comes up. He's pretty damned good. Too good. That's why we're making a little movie about him, okay?
Bret grunts as he ejaculates. Long nailed hands scratch his back. He rolls off the girl. She has intense ASH - After Sex Hair. Bret methodically begins setting his alarm clock for 5am. ANGELA BRET ANGELA BRET
The sound of a door slamming shut is HEARD. It worked. Bret grins and unplugs the clock. He reaches for his remote and turns on his TV. MTV blares. Bret reaches for his guitar.
The SCREECH of a CROW is HEARD. It's like a high pitched buzzsaw right in your ear. Deafening. Horrid. Exactly the sound someone doesn't want to hear at eight in the morning. Bret is sprawled on his bed. Pillow over his head, trying to not hear the CROW. It's impossible. He gets out of bed and opens his sliding glass door. BRET'S POV - CROW It's there. On a wire. Taunting him. CROW BRET CROW Bret makes wild "shoo" gestures at the Crow.
Bret, in his speedo brief underwear, looking like a madman trying to shoo the Crow away. We get a good look at him, finally. He's pale, pale, pale. In bad shape. He's almost "aging rocker". It's going to be too late, very, very, soon. Again. That's why we're making this little movie about him.
Jef tools around his condo in some sweats and a custom tank top that looked good about six years ago. At this moment, he's looking down the neck of a guitar. Bret sits in a corner, doing bong hits. JEF Bret exhales. BRET JEF BRET JEF BRET He hands Jef the bong. Jef loads it up. JEF Jef takes an impossibly long hit. He holds it throughout. BRET JEF BRET
Bret drives along, eating fast food. His stage clothes hang from the side handle above the passenger door.
It's the last song once again. "Don't Stop Believin'" A repeat of the opening scene. JEF Bret does his little bow and rips into the solo.
Bret grunts as he ejaculates. He rolls off the girl. It's a different GIRL. Same ASH - After Sex Hair. Bret begins setting his clock. LYDIA BRET LYDIA BRET LYDIA Bret shrugs. LYDIA (CONT'D) BRET
The door shuts. Bret grins. Mission accomplished. Like clockwork, he turns on the TV, grabs the guitar and sits back.
The evil CAW!CAW! of the CROW is HEARD. Each caw is like a gunshot going off in Bret's ear. CROW Bret opens his sliding door. BRET CROW BRET The crow is silent. Bret, satisfied at a job well done, returns to bed. As his head hits his pillow: CROW
Bret is handing his rent check to his LANDLORD, MR. ABSACARIAN. Bret looks beat. MR. ABSACARIAN BRET MR. ABSACARIAN BRET MR. ABSACARIAN BRET MR. ABSACARIAN BRET MR. ABSACARIAN BRET MR. ABSACARIAN BRET MR. ABSACARIAN BRET
Bret loads his guitars into his Toyota Pick-Up. JEF BRET JEF BRET JEF BRET JEF BRET JEF BRET
Bret moans, pillows over his head. CROW
Bret's eyes begin to droop and shut. Peace for a moment, then: CROW Bret jumps to his feet and hurls his door open. BRET
The band is on a break. Bret talks conspiratorially to Jef. BRET JEF
We're close on Bret's face. Pulling back, REVEAL: There is yet another GIRL on top of him. Riding him. Bret is somewhere else. The girl stops. TANYA BRET
The door closes. Bret's alone. He doesn't want to be.
They're in the middle of Don't Stop Believin'. As the solo section comes up, an ashen, sleep-deprived Bret approaches the mic and begins SINGING the guitar solo.
Bret is getting a dressing down from Jef Stein. The other members of Jef Stein's Osage stand around. JEF BRET JEF BRET JEF BRET JEF BRET They do the cool guy hug. "I love ya, but I'm hittin' ya."
LORI a girl with ASH is getting dressed. LORI BRET LORI BRET LORI BRET LORI BRET LORI BRET LORI
Over this the voice of the SALESMAN is HEARD. SALESMAN (O.S) The HISS of a PELLET GUN being pumped is HEARD.
The SALESMAN is pumping up the pellet gun pistol. He holds it over his head and dry FIRES. Psheeoow. SALESMAN BRET SALESMAN He hands the pistol to Bret. SALESMAN (CONT'D)
BRET Bret sights down the barrel. SALESMAN BRET SALESMAN BRET Bret dry fires the pistol.
Bret drools on his pillow in blissful slumber until: CROW Bret sits up, wild eyed. Bret jumps out of bed in his tiger striped speedo underwear and grabs a brown paper bag. He rips it open and removes the Pellet Gun Pistol. BRET He pumps the pistol a couple of times.
Bret stands on his balcony. He aims the pistol at the Crow. BRET THE CROW On a power line. Staring at Bret. Cawing. CROW BRET Looks up from squinting down the sight. BRET
A distracted Bret fires the Pellet Pistol. The Crow flies off. Music SWELLS. Victory for Bret. Bret watches the crow as it flies away.
Bret's bed beckons to him. It looks so comfortable and warm and lovely. Bret falls, exhausted, onto his bed.
DARKNESS Over this, Jef Stein's closing rap is HEARD. The song we all know and love begins. Something's off, though. Something is very wrong. JEF (V.O.)
Bret, looking rested and refreshed, walks down his street carrying his two guitar cases, on his way to work. It's a beautiful day. Bret breathes in the fresh air as he nears his car. Something catches his eye.
We can barely make out something on the hood of Bret's Toyota Pick-Up. It's big, black, feathery and dead. Bret drops his guitar cases. He stops in his tracks. Bret looks around. He quickens his pace towards his pickup truck. If you couldn't see that it's the Crow on his car before, you can now. Bret drops to his knees next to his pickup truck. In the b.g. Mr. Absacarian exits his apartment. Bret weeps against the side of his truck as other neighbors exit their homes. BRET As we stay on his pain. The solo section of The Song arrives. Dig that crazy guitar solo, kids. It's a new interpretation from the bowels of hell. It rocks so hard. SMASH TO BLACK:
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