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causes a certain depression that's often associated with self-pity. from not being able to fit into her world or your own. A depression that lags when your corn flakes are soggy the milk warm and your soaps are being interrupted by Peter Jennings. when you want to write a poem but the words won't sing. This depression screams when you want to ask for help but your pride blocks the way. as you lie on your bed contemplating the world knowing others lie on the sidewalk worrying about their next meal. A depression that cries and won't let you sleep because your mind keeps chanting that you are depressed. because you are conditionally celibate as long as masturbation doesn't count. This depression registers a total realization that even with a degree from Stanford you'll always be followed in Macy's. when the judicial system repeats that only whites can be insane... blacks, of course, are always enraged but psychiatrists don't know why. when men call you sexist and whites call you racist. This depression chills when you and your lover reach the shouting stage and Joan Armatrading doesn't have a solution. It's a depression that starts with anything, and ends with: you are a black gay female in a straight white man's world and isn't that depressing enough? when you wonder how long your grandmother will have to sing "We Shall Overcome" before her God responds. |
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