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Developing Healty Sexuality
By becoming more active in our own sexual decision-making, we may be able to increase the chance that our sexual encounters with one another leave both people feeling happy and satisfied rather than guilty, exploited, unsafe, and with unmet needs. We are socialized from the time we are children not to discuss our "policies" and standards about our own sexuality - this makes it difficult for couples to talk with one another about sex.
Strategies for developing a healthy sexual lifestyle include:
Plan Ahead
- Examine your feelings of self-worth and take steps to boost your self-esteem.
- Acknowledge your own sexuality - even if you are not sexually active now.
- Think about your own values and beliefs ahead of time - define how you feel; then make distinctions between your feelings and actions. What behaviors are you going to select, and what ones are you going to avoid?
- Recognize and acknowledge your own fears and concerns.
- Talk with people you trust: friends, family members, teachers, etc. It is important to have a support system where you are able to be honest about your values.
- Determine your own standards:
- what would you do to reduce the transmission of sexually transmitted infections?
- how much commitment do you want?
- if applicable, what contraception is necessary?
- Learn some of the basic facts about AIDS and other sexually transmitted infections, as well as options for preventing them. Make concrete plans for reducing the risk of transmission of HIV and STD's.
- Have a plan for unwanted sexual advances by others.
Negotiate Effectively
- Think ahead about a good time and place to have a conversation. Make sure there's plenty of time. Negotiate in a public setting with others around, just in case a threatening situation arises.
- Choose a neutral setting. Do not wait until you are in the bedroom to have a conversation. If negotiation is postponed until the heat of the moment you might forget the conversation you had already planned.
- Be prepared to take advantage of an unexpected opportunity to talk (for example, after a movie in which there was a great deal of "irresponsible" sexual content, after hearing a speaker, etc.).
- Communicate positively:
- share any feelings of discomfort.
- use "I" statements instead of "you" statements (e.g., "I'd like to talk about this so that we can both keep safe" ).
- Be concrete in your discussion:
- talk about one another's motives for the relationship (S.O. = significant other or S.O. = sex object).
- discuss the potential risks posed by past relationships - even one past sexual encounter can pose a risk.
- be clear about what you mean - use specific language and correct terms (e.g., "intercourse" instead of "doing it").
- be knowledgeable about one anothers' STD status - how recent has each person been tested?
For more information on sexual health issues and the prevention of sexually transmitted infections, contact the Wardenburg Student Health Center's Sexual Health Education Program at 492-4024.
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