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Effective Essays

Many students applying for scholarships perform well in school, participate in numerous extracurricular activities, and work. In many cases, scholarship essay questions are designed to get better acquainted with you in a personal statement, aside from the information you provided on your resume and academic transcript. Help us get to know what makes you brilliant, in the sense that a scholarship committee can see what makes you “shine”--what makes you thrive, what makes you passionate about something.

The task of a scholarship committee is to match the scholarship program with a scholar. Direct the readers. Why are you the quintessential choice to receive a scholarship?

Effective essays successfully do the following:
Give insight about who you are. They are reflective. They show us who you are, how you think, how you decide to act (or not act) upon something, how you approach a problem or dilemma, how you interact with your environment.
 Avoid the writing doldrums –you have something to write about! “My life would be much more interesting if the content of my life story made people laugh and cry.” Not true. By showing us who you are vs. telling us what you’ve done, we will be interested in reflections about yourself.

Some questions to help you brainstorm:

Consider your life story – Can you identify an influential event, person, and creative art piece, etc, that has significance in your life? What impact did/does that significant event, person, etc., have on you? Are there special circumstances that you feel would be important for the scholarship committee to know? What is your family history? Fill in the gaps between the generations; how is your family history related to your story? What is distinctive about you and/or your family? What does your story illustrate about you?

Track the evolution of your ideas and actions -- Why do you have a particular opinion or point of view on an issue? Why are you persuaded by that viewpoint versus alternative viewpoints? What made you decide to take a particular course of action? What are you curious about and why? What compelled you to join the organizations and participate in the activities listed on your resume? What and why do you contribute to these activities?

Take a Survey – Ask your family, friends, teachers, coaches, mentors to describe qualities that they observe in you. Ask them to relay an experience or story that demonstrates these qualities.

Find inspiration by reading autobiographies -- Write your own two page autobiography to generate a starting draft of your scholarship essay responses.

Show how well you organize and express your ideas.
    You may choose a topic that 200 other students write about (which is fine). But how you write about your topic can distinguish your essay from the pack.
  • Write logically where the reader can follow your train of thought. Make sure your sentences relate to each other. Use transitions when a change takes place in your story or you are making a new point.
  • Be succinct. Rambling compels readers to think, “and, so what?” while they merely skim an essay to find the main points, rather than feeling engrossed in anticipation of each next phrase. In many cases, you have to write within a word limit, so keep your response focused.
  • Avoid redundant sentences and phrases.
  • Use your own voice; you don’t need to impress by using esoteric jargon or vocabulary. Readers detect pretension when reading one mile-size multisyllabic word after another, which makes the writing less compelling. However, it is a good idea to consult a dictionary and thesaurus to find the right words that convey your ideas with precision. Good diction strengthens essays.
  • Write what you know. If you are trying to impress the committee by writing on a complicated subject matter but you are not passionate nor know little about it, the reader can pick up on this and your essay may seem disingenuous.
  • Creative writing pieces can work, but they can be a risky submission. If spoken word is your forte, then a poem can be effective; if you are known for your biting satire, then go for it. If you’re not comfortable using these writing devices or have very little experience, you may want to refrain. However, describing what attracted you to creative writing and explaining why you express yourself artistically would make an interesting read.
  • Use appropriate language. Keep in mind your audience – scholarship committee members who must choose the right scholar for the scholarship program.
  • Generic statements don’t reveal why you are unique. Use detailed, vivid descriptions to produce distinct mental images of your story. Here are some examples to illustrate this point:
Generic statement:
“Being chosen as captain of the soccer team made me more mature.”

An alternative description:
What I learned from being the captain of the soccer team was how to motivate and encourage others effectively when situations seemed hopeless.

This opening sentence is more specific, but it needs further elaboration to learn how the writer motivated and encouraged team members.

Here’s another example of two descriptions:

 Generic Statement:
My mom is the most influential person in my life. She is supportive in everything I do and she is a great role model. I try to emulate her and follow her teachings in everything I pursue. How is this mom supportive? How is she a great role model? Is there a specific example of her mother’s qualities? Show vs. tell. Here’s an alternative description :
I want to raise my children like my mother did.

My mom never used a guilt trip to teach me wrong from right. When I told her in 4th grade, “I didn’t need to practice “Silent Night” for my organ playing debut at Midnight Mass she merely asked, “Have you thought this idea through?” I thought it was a brilliant plan to keep me “fresh”, so I said, “yes,” without hesitation. My nerves got the best of me that night, and I started on the wrong note, stumbling through the finger patterns of the song, and completely played the piece off key. I couldn’t help but see teens in the audience shaking in their seats, trying to stifle their laughs. After I played the final note, I ran/walked to sit next to my mom, who smiled at me and enfolded me in a huge pew hug. Afterwards, I was despondent; yet, my mother kept beaming with pride that I completed the full song in front of 300 people. She never let on if she was embarrassed or if she was embarrassed for me. She didn’t need to remind me that practice would have made the experience less harrowing.

But she knew how to use the power of shame.

When I came out of our bathroom one morning, my raven hair bleached to white and my brown pupils sheered over by violet contacts, my mom’s face went pale and immediately flushed to maroon. She paced between our narrow hall way five times, and simply asked, “Why have you erased your grandmother’s features from you? Are you so ashamed of your heritage?” I felt the disappointment of generations with her words and her curt delivery stunned me. I then cried and couldn’t believe what I had done to myself. Before I could run back into the bathroom to correct my appearance, she latched onto the edge of my shirt and forced me downstairs where a family reunion was gathering to celebrate my grandmother’s 75th birthday. My new look attracted questioning stares and joke fodder from my family. With each embarrassing explanation and glances of shame, my mother made me accountable for my actions and taught me the impact of my decision and behavior that day. As in this episode, my mom passed down effective life-learning teaching methods that I hope I can emulate with equal patience and wisdom for my own children.

Show how much effort you put into the application process.
 Crafting a good essay is a process –
  • Start early to write multiple drafts and ask people to provide editorial feedback.
  • Use writing tools (see the following for suggestions, http://owl.english.purdue.edu/workshops/pp/writproc.PPTListing) to get your ideas out of your head and onto paper, but don’t be committed to include everything you jot down in your ultimate draft.
  • Proofread!!
  • Proofread again after you run a Spell Check!!!!
  • Seek assistance and get feedback from a writing specialist during any stage of the writing process: Your school’s Writing Center, English/Writing Teachers, (if you are at CU Boulder) Student Academic Services Center, online resources such as http://www.colorado.edu/pwr/resources.html
Best wishes for a successful essay writing season!

Works Consulted:

 

    

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