Bullying Prevention Series - Part Three
Recommendations for Parents

Is your child being bullied?
A child is bullied or victimized when he or she is exposed, repeatedly and over time, to negative actions on the part of one or more other students. Children often will not tell their parents that they are being victimized.

What can parents of the bullied child do?
Encourage your child to share her problems with you. Ensure her that this is not tattling. Know that your child may be embarrassed, ashamed, and fearful. Listen attentively and reassure her that she will not have to face the problem alone.

• Praise and encourage your child. Help him take pride in his accomplishments and differences. A confident child is less likely to be targeted by bullies.
  
  
• Search for talents and positive attributes that can be developed in your child. This may help a child to assert herself.
  
  
• Help your child develop friendships. Stimulate your child to meet and interact with new peers. A new environment with new peers can provide a new chance for a victimized child.
  
  
• Encourage your child to make contact with calm and friendly children in his class (or in other classes). This may require the assistance of the school.
  
  
• If your child's behavior (i.e., provocative victim) is contributing to being bullied, try to help your child change her behavior without suggesting that she is responsible for being victimized. Try to improve your child's social skills if that appears to be a problem.
  
• Motivate your child to participate in physical activity or sports. Physical exercise can result in better physical coordination and less "body anxiety." This, in turn, can increase your child's self-esteem and improve peer relations.
  
  
• Maintain contact with your child's school. Keep a detailed record of bullying episodes and related communication with the school. Help develop a plan of action for the school to follow. Monitor the situation by maintaining communication with the school and your child.
  
  
• Seek help from a mental health professional.
  

Is your child a bully?
Children who bully others increase their risk for engaging in other forms of antisocial behavior, such as juvenile delinquency, criminality and substance abuse. Bullying behavior should be taken seriously. Doing nothing implies that bullying is acceptable behavior. Typical bullying behavior includes:

• Physical attacks: hitting, kicking, pushing, choking.
  
  
• Verbal attacks or harassment: name calling, threatening, taunting, malicious teasing, rumor spreading, slandering.
  
  
• Social isolation, intentional exclusion, making faces, obscene gestures, manipulating friendship relationships.
  

What can parents of the bully do?

• Make clear to your child that you take the bullying seriously, and will not tolerate such behavior in the future.
  
  
  Develop a consistent family rules system. Use praise and reinforcement for rule-following behavior. Use consistent, non-hostile negative consequences for rule violation. Set a good example for your child by following these rules yourself. If your child observes aggressive behavior by you, he is more likely to act aggressively toward peers.
  
  
  Spend more time with your child. Monitor and supervise your child's activities. Know your child's friends, where they spend their free time, and what they do with that free time.
  
  
  Build on your child's talents and help her develop less aggressive and more appropriate reaction behaviors.
  
  
  Maintain contact with your child's school. Support the school's efforts to modify your child's behavior, and enlist their help if they have not suggested modifications.
  Seek help from a mental health professional.
  

False beliefs about bullying
The following common statements perpetuate the bully/victim problem:

• "Being bullied builds character."
• "Bullying is part of growing up."
• "Kids will be kids." or "Boys will be boys."
• "Sticks and stones may break your bones, but names can never hurt you."
• "What did you do to him to make him treat you that way?"
• "You just have to toughen up." or "You just have to learn how to stand up for yourself."
• "Hit him back. He won't bother you again."
• "I was bullied in school and I turned out fine." or "I was a bully in school and I turned out fine."
• "No kids are bullied in this school."
• "Only children who are different get bullied."
• "Only children in large schools/classes get bullied."

References

Olweus, D. (1993). Bullying at School: What We Know and What We Can Do. Cambridge, MA: Blackwell Publishers, Inc.

Olweus, D., Limber, S., & Mihalic, S. (1999). Blueprints for Violence Prevention, Book Nine: Bullying Prevention Program. Boulder, CO: Center for the Study and Prevention of Violence.

Shore, K. (2001). Keeping Kids Safe: A Guide for Parents of Toddlers and Teens-And All the Years in Between. Paramus, NJ: Prentice Hall Press.