|
|
Safe
Schools Fact Sheets
| Bullying Prevention: Recommendations for Parents |
|
|
|
|
Is Your Child Being Bullied?
A child is bullied or victimized when he or she is
exposed, repeatedly and over time, to negative actions
on the part of one or more other students. Children
oftentimes will not tell their parents that they are
being victimized.
Warning Signs:
- Comes home from school with torn, damaged, or
missing clothing, books, and belongings.
- Has unexplained bruises, injuries, cuts, and
scratches.
- Does not bring classmates or other peers home
after school and seldom spends time in the homes
of classmates or peers.
- Seems isolated from peers and may not have a
good friend to share time with.
- Appears to be fearful about attending school,
walking to and from school, or riding the bus.
- Has poor appetite, headaches, and stomach pains
(particularly in the morning).
- Chooses a longer, "illogical" route
for going to and from school.
- Asks for or takes extra money from family (money
that may go to a bully).
- Appears anxious, distressed, unhappy, depressed
or tearful when he or she comes home from school.
- Shows unexpected mood shifts, irritability, or
sudden outbursts of temper.
- Has sleeping or eating problems.
- May lose interest in school work and experience
a decline in academic performance.
- Talks about or attempts suicide.
General Characteristics of
Possible Victims
There are two types of victims: (1) the passive or
submissive victim, and (2) the provocative victim.
Passive/submissive victims signal to others through
attitudes and behaviors that they are insecure individuals
who will not retaliate if victimized. The provocative
victim is a much smaller group of victims. They are
characterized by having both anxious and aggressive
patterns. Provocative victims are generally boys.
Passive/Submissive Victim
Characteristics:
- Physically weaker than their peers (particularly
boys).
- Display "body anxiety." They are afraid
of being hurt, have poor physical coordination,
and are ineffective in physical play or sports.
- Have poor social skills and have difficulty making
friends.
- Are cautious, sensitive, quiet, withdrawn, and
shy.
- Cry or become upset easily.
- Are anxious, insecure, and have poor self-esteem.
- Have difficulty standing up for or defending
themselves in peer groups.
- Relate better to adults than to peers.
Provocative Victim Characteristics:
- Exhibit some or all of the characteristics of
passive or submissive victims.
- Are hot tempered and attempt to fight back when
victimized – usually not very effectively.
- Are hyperactive, restless, have difficulty concentrating,
and create tension.
- Are clumsy, immature, and exhibit irritating habits.
- Are also disliked by adults, including teachers.
- Try to bully students weaker than themselves.
What Can Parents of the Victim
Do?
- Encourage your child to share his/her problems
with you. Ensure him or her that this is not tattling.
Know that your child may be embarrassed, ashamed,
and fearful. Listen attentively and reassure him/her
that he/she will not have to face the problem alone.
- Praise and encourage your child. Help him or her
take pride in his/her accomplishments and differences.
A confident child is less likely to be targeted
by bullies.
- Search for talents and positive attributes that
can be developed in your child. This may help a
child to assert himself or herself.
- Help your child develop friendships. Stimulate
your child to meet and interact with new peers.
A new environment with new peers can provide a new
chance for a victimized child.
- Encourage your child to make contact with calm
and friendly children in his or her class (or in
other classes). This may require the assistance
of the school.
- If your child’s own behavior (i.e., provocative
victim) is contributing to being bullied, try to
help your child change his or her behavior without
suggesting that he or she is responsible for being
victimized. Try to improve your child’s social
skills.
- Motivate your child to participate in physical
activity or sports. Physical exercise can result
in better physical coordination and less "body
anxiety." This, in turn, can increase your
child’s self-esteem and improve peer relations.
- ·Maintain contact with your child’s
school. Keep a detailed record of bullying episodes
and related communication with the school. Help
develop a plan of action for the school to follow.
Monitor the situation by maintaining communication
with the school and your child.
- Seek help from a mental health professional.
Is Your Child a Bully?
Children who bully increase their risk for engaging
in other forms of antisocial behavior, such as juvenile
delinquency, criminality and substance abuse. Bullying
behavior should be taken seriously. Doing nothing
implies that bullying is acceptable behavior. Typical
bullying behavior includes:
- Physical Attacks: hitting, kicking, pushing,
choking
- Verbal Attacks or Harassment: name calling, threatening,
taunting, malicious teasing, rumor spreading, slandering
- Social isolation, intentional exclusion, making
faces, obscene gestures, manipulating friendship
relationships
General Characteristics of
Possible Bullies
- Boys are more likely than girls to be bullies.
However, girls are more likely to engage in "sneakier"
forms of harassment.
- May be physically bigger and stronger than their
victims.
- Have strong needs to dominate and control their
peers.
- Are hot-tempered, easily angered, impulsive,
and have a low frustration tolerance.
- Have difficulty conforming to rules.
- Are defiant and aggressive toward adults and
authority figures. Adults may be frightened of the
bully.
- Are good at talking themselves out of situations.
- Tend to have a relatively positive view of themselves
(average or better than average self-esteem).
- Are more likely than their peers to engage in
other antisocial behaviors.
- Are more likely to be less popular (particularly
primary school students).
- Are more likely to have negative attitudes toward
school and get lower grades (particularly junior
high school students).
What Can Parents of the Bully
Do?
- Make clear to your child that you take the bullying
seriously, and will not tolerate such behavior in
the future.
- Develop a consistent family rules system. Use
praise and reinforcement for rule-following behavior.
Use consistent, non-hostile, negative consequences
for rule violation. Set a good example for your
child by following these rules yourself. If your
child observes aggressive behavior by you, he or
she is more likely to act aggressively toward peers.
- Spend more time with your child. Monitor and
supervise your child’s activities. Know your
child’s friends, where they spend their free
time, and what they do with that free time.
- Build on your child’s talents and help
him or her develop less aggressive and more appropriate
reaction behaviors.
- Maintain contact with your child’s school.
Support the school’s efforts to modify your
child’s behavior. Enlist help from the school
to try and modify your child’s behavior.
- Seek help from a mental health professional.
False Beliefs About Bullying
The following common statements perpetuate the bully/victim
problem:
- "Being bullied builds character."
- "Bullying is part of growing up."
- "Kids will be kids." or "Boys will
be boys."
- "Sticks and stones may break your bones,
but names can never hurt you."
- "What did you do to him to make him treat
you that way."
- "You just have to toughen up." or "You
just have to learn how to stand up for yourself."
- "Hit him back. He won’t bother you
again."
- "I was bullied in school and I turned out
fine." or "I was a bully in school and
I turned out fine."
- "No kids are bullied in this school."
- "Only children who are different get bullied."
- "Only children in large schools/classes get
bullied."
|
|
|
|
|
|
