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Maybe You're Right

Monday, September 10, 2012

It all boils down to this: every test I took, every paper I wrote, every class I showed up late to. It all comes to my alleged 'developed critical thinking skills' and 'ability to communicate effectively, both orally and written.' That's right, these last four years are culminating into the scariest thing I can imagine: not going to school.

That being said, I forsee future blog posts becoming increasingly existential and ambiguous in nature, as my current feelings themselves are pretty existential and ambiguous. Who am I? Who do I want to be? What the heck does a degree in International Affairs and Anthroplogy really mean? How do I write a resume? I get it, prospective freshman- you're so removed from that scene. After all, it's likely about five years away! But, like they say, it comes up quickly. Before I knew it, I was getting resume critques and setting up dates to take the GRE. And it's- for lack of a more poetic term- freaking me out.

With family, friends, and even strangers, hearing the news of my approaching graduation date, the same question always follows: so what's next? And, to be honest, hell if I know. Part of me wants to find a good job, pay off my student loans the old fashioned way, and be a big kid- complete with my own apartment and all. Another part of me just wants to keep kicking it in Boulder, marinating in the afterglow of college, skiing every single day possible, continuing to eat ramen and struggling to pay bills with my entry-level job. A more daring, adventurous part of me- my most favorite part of myself- wants to go teach English in Nepal or trek the French Alps or work on a farm in Chile. But my reserved, shy part of me- my least favorite part of myself- is afraid of taking that plunge. And my proud part of me? I can't even deciper which option would be most proud of.

Agonizing over the prospects gets me no where... but I still do it. I want my education to be a tool; I want it to be my vessle for understanding the world. But how best to undertake that challenge? I can't figure it out. Honestly, even if everyone else looks like they did decrypt the mysteries to life- they knew exactly where they wanted to go to school, exactly what they wanted to study, and exactly what profession to enter into after college- they've got to be lying. No one can really have this figured out, right?

So, prosepective Buffs, I suppose this relates to you in a simple way: you've got the first GIGANTIC decision of life approaching you. Let it simmer. Let it sit. A wise person once said to me: "Maybe, you're right." That's what I'm going to do. I will ponder and analyze in many directions, and I will focus on what feels good in my gut. Maybe, I'm right.

Lauryn
International Affairs, Anthropology • Colorado Springs, Colorado

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