Evoke Journal

Kimberly Rae Schilke - "Hungary American"

“It’s burning your eyes because it’s made

the Hungarian way!”

The onions proudly respond with a sizzle…

she throws in pinch from the thyme bush

& our time begins to settle on lingering

hidden, yet blatantly exposed thoughts:

“Your divorce is mine’s predecessor…

I’m in pain – denied for my hunger,

guilted for the fees of furthering my future dreams,

& pinned by the fear of existing incomplete,

in need, incapable of fastening myself

to life’s loose interpretation of love”…

I smile at you because you know my pain-

you’ve worn it with a shit-eating grin

for months before I could emit its name…

Thank G-d for you- you let me say it aloud

and it counters my difficult to deal with “girlness”

or “drama queen” frantics

that make denial and guilt trips

feel so much more welcome in our zoo.

“To be quite honest with you- I hide

my little sins of everyday pleasures

as I eat the humble pie of mac & cheese

‘cuz for a few quarters we can survive.”

But you are my sister & you don’t judge the pain

on my face as he insists,

nor my outer-shelled complacence

when his footsteps make the air start to spark

in anticipation and worries.

We keep our pain & shame – we’re Hungarians!

We work hard and do our best while denying

the gains of our hard-fought efforts-

We keep these things to our “self”

& chew on its bitterness…

But when you & I are together – national wars melt away

as we excitedly unfoil our precious wrapped fruit of regal delights…

We laugh about bouncing caffeine highs,

and fight over what lands in the “black hole of care”,

& with you I escape the rigid rules my culture set

and blend with the mish mash in this hopeful zoo of taken in runaways called “American”.