March, 2002

Emotional Aspects of Peace in the Middle East
Marnie Enos Carroll, Doctoral Candidate, Department of Sociology

Peace in the Middle East depends on the establishment of a new political order in which a Palestinian state is recognized, Israeli settlements cease, and mutually livable conditions are agreed upon and upheld by both parties. These are matters of practical organization and economic structure. But the issue of emotional healing is also vital. How can people overcome the fear, anger, and hatred they now feel? A new and more equitable political order could begin the healing process, however, even then painful emotions will still exist among many. If so, then fear, anger, and hatred could undermine peace regardless of what agreements are signed into law.

How deep and how permanent are these feelings? What is the chance that people will be able to forgive and move on in the event of a peace agreement? I ask these questions because of a personal experience early last year. I met and lunched with a Palestinian woman who was living in Europe with her European husband. She had arrived in Europe only recently and under distressing circumstances. Before that she and her husband had been living and working in her Palestinian homeland, surrounded by family and friends. One night in December 2000 she and her husband were given four hours to pack up (allowing only two suitcases each) and board a midnight UN transport caravan for Europe. Due to the rapid escalation of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, the borders were being closed and this would be their only chance to leave the Palestinian territories. The authorities said they would not be able to return any time soon, perhaps ever. They received this chance to leave because of the husband's connection with a European government.

I knew my friend was pregnant during this ordeal, and I asked if she left her homeland for the baby's safety. Her answer was unforgettable:

"No. It is the fate of Palestinians to live with danger and bombings. To be Palestinian is to live that way; it is what we know. I would rather be at home with my family, not here in Europe. I have lived through many bombings my whole life; we all have. It's nothing new. I only left because my husband wanted to."

She told me of the many times she saw and heard bombs in the sky. She told me of watching buildings and whole neighborhoods destroyed. Her father was born in what is now an Israeli area, but the house he once had was taken over. As Arabs, the family can no longer enter that area. My friend told me about young Palestinian boys she knew being killed for throwing small rocks at Israeli tanks. She recounted a lifetime of fear, terror, uncertainty, upheaval, and deteriorating living conditions. It is the life, she said, of a typical Palestinian.

We talked about various attempts at peace-making, including Clinton's foray into the conflict. We talked about America's unwavering support of Israel and how it came about. I asked if she thought real peace would ever happen. She responded with another unforgettable statement:

"We don't believe in anything at this point. We are so far beyond believing in anything. We have been hurt so many times and we have been through so much for so many years. We don't believe in anything."

I was stunned by the depth of her pain and sense of injustice. She spoke with extreme passion and sadness. I felt my friend truly could not imagine a life without fear, anger, pain, and terror. This was not a reality she had ever known or could even hope for.

What does this mean for peace in the Middle East? The political, economic, and religious issues are theoretically solvable. Specific actions can be taken to stop the conflict and redress the wrongs. However, the deep human fears and anger, the inability to truly imagine a peaceful existence, these require more serious consideration. A new political order must address the profound need to heal emotionally and to overcome the feelings of terror and fury. Somehow it must help people approach trust and mutuality.

A new political order must be far more than a peace agreement between political leaders. It must make amends for aggression against individuals, families, and groups. It must provide extensive aid and take effective action to repair material and emotional damage. It must foster respectful exchanges between Israelis and Palestinians in streets and in all public venues. It must create cultural and community spaces where human beings can come together and forge real social bonds. The lives devastated by terror and fury must be energetically and respectfully rebuilt. The ultimate goal of a new political order is creating trust. People who now cannot believe in anything must find compelling reasons to trust and to believe in peace.

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